COMPLETE TEXT OF PRESIDENT BUSH'S ORGASMIC REBEL YELL HERALDING THE LAUNCH OF OPERATION GODLESS IRAQAZOID SMACKDOWN
Remarks by the President in Address to the Nation
The Oval Office

THE PRESIDENT: My fellow cowboys: WHO, WHO, WHO LET THE DOGS OF WAR OUT?! BOO-YA! RAQ AND ROLL!

Tonight, having grown tired of waiting for Jesus, Big Daddy and The Spook to get off their high horses, I have decided to act unilaterally to open the gates of Hell and bring about the apocalypse. I don't have to tell you how fucking "A" awesome this is. I say jump, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff cock and lock!

Jogging, beer, hording ill-gotten wealth, fixing elections - those are all pretty cool rushes. But nothing beats being able to call down a cloudburst of hot, throbbing JDAM missiles to crash onto the brows of uppity, mud- colored sons of bitches who got a little too big for their girly sarongs, dig? WOW. Man - after this, I can tell you, I'm gonna pound the old lady but GOOD!

Tonight, on my orders, Christian forces have begun moving against Saddam Hussein, striking selected mosques, evildoer orphanages, and hospitals to undermine his ability to continue festering ineffectually in his impoverished, eunuch-like desert cesspool. We are also targeting Saddam's new Ford F150, rusted tank husks, Ho Chi Minh's grave, and the French Embassy.

These are opening stages of what will be a media-drenched and politically invigorating campaign. More than 35 countries - including invaluable Nicaragua - have been handsomely compensated to suppress the will of their peoples and offer up insincere hosannas of support. Each of these nations has chosen to bear the duty and share the honor of extorting your tax dollars to provide me with the politically necessary illusion of international backing.

To all the men and women of the United States Armed Forces now in the Middle East, by putting your innocent lives in jeopardy, I exact personal vengeance on a tin pot dictator who made my feeble old man - and by extension, the whitebread pyramid scheme that is the Republican party - look weak. Furthermore, by exploiting your skill and your bravery, I will ensure that my family's petrochemical stock portfolio is not only protected, but is also vastly enhanced.

We come to Iraq with respect for its citizens - the ones we're not killing - and for their great subterranean natural resources and their ability - like all humans - to be convinced into accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

Dudes and my fellow middle Americans: the dangers to my re-election prospects will be overcome. We will pass through this time of peril and carry on the work of fearmongering while the United States economy continues to implode. We will talk about defending our freedom while decimating our civil liberties. We will bring freedom from taxation to affluent white males and we will prevail.

Thank you, and good night. LET'S KICK SOME RAGHEAD ASS!

С уважением, NRT.